Remy Frost '18 Undergraduate Student Pronons: They, Them, Their
Remy Frost is currently a sophomore at UNH and majoring in Classics. They identify as a non-binary and transmasculine spectrum person. As a child, they describe themselves as being outgoing and extroverted. However, as their issues navigating gender identity became more pronounced, they began to socially withdraw. They gravitated towards the emo subculture because they often felt different and isolated. The angry and “angsty” music appealed to them, as well as the ways in which many emo artists were breaking gender norms through their fashion and mannerisms. This “angry yet empowering little bubble” helped Remy to feel less alienated and also cemented their profound interest in all things related to art, music and creativity. One of the people that Remy looks up to is Laura Jane Grace, the lead singer, songwriter and guitarist of the punk band Against Me! who came out as a transgender woman in 2012. Remy also admires My Chemical Romance singer, songwriter and comic book artist Gerard Way who has been vocal about his own experiences with gender nonconformity in interviews. Remy describes Way as a “genderfucking person” that they have gravitated towards ever since being a young emo kid, both in terms of exemplifying the music they enjoy and the kind of music they someday hoped to create. Remy plays guitar, enjoys singing, and would like to form a band for both creative expression and to use as a platform to spread activist and social justice sentiments. Remy states, “Creativity is my #1 thing. I feel like It’s just such an eye-catching and engaging way to express yourself, form bonds with other people and make statements.” Remy states that there are many challenges and difficulties associated for them with being trans in a cis-centric world. These include the legal and financial hoops that trans folks need to jump through just to access health care and find some level of comfort in the world, being constantly misgendered by those around them, dealing with transphobic microaggressions and the social anxiety and mental health challenges that have resulted from this mistreatment. Remy has been misgendered by faculty and staff at UNH and would like to see more systemic efforts to train them on transgender issues. Many cis people don’t even consider the net effect that misgendering and microaggressions have on their trans counterparts, and how they make healthy social interactions difficult or impossible. Remy struggles in social contexts due to a background of being bullied and gossiped about by peers and they can sometimes isolate as a defense mechanism or coping strategy. Their challenges with mental illness and with an eating disorder very much intersect with transphobia, gender dysphoria and the stress of being different in a cookie-cutter world. They are open about these struggles through public speaking and through writing a blog on the intersections of LGBTQ and eating disorders. They wish to make eating disorders in trans people more visible and also to signal boost the voices of mentally ill queers more generally through writing, speaking and art, including the ways in which some are being targeted and damaged by psychiatry. When asked about things that people can do to be better allies to trans people, Remy had several suggestions. “I want to be respected as a person first and foremost. Don’t assume what you know about my body, my history or my transition process. Take the information that I give you, respect that and be humble.” Remy wants people to stop making assumptions based purely on the way that they look and present. This includes assumptions and “backward deductions” about their gender identity, gender expression, romantic orientation and sexual orientation, whereby they are often presumed to be things that they do not identify as. Remy would also like to see a widespread understanding of the difference between “sex” and “gender” and the use of terms like Declared Male At Birth [DMAB] and Declared Female At Birth [DFAB] to clarify assigned sex. Remy is also passionate about disrupting simplistic notions of gender as a straightforward binary and helping people to see the complexity and fluidity of diverse genders. They would like to see a day when there is not a “men’s” or “women’s” section of a clothing store but rather clothing stores with sections like “dresses” or “suits” in a wide variety of sizes and styles regardless of a person’s sex or gender. Remy rejects the idea that people fall into discrete categories with very little overlap between them. In fact, there is often more variation within a given gender category than between different genders. Remy would also like to see society start normalizing the concept of not automatically gendering people, a process that they believe will involve retraining our brains and socializing people in a new way. In our society, it is seen as an insult to not know a person’s gender. But Remy believes it is more awkward to assume someone’s gender and label them incorrectly. Remy is passionate about these progressive visions of gender and also able to relate them to their peers in a relatable and humorous way. Looking forward, Remy wishes to use creativity, particularly their writing and music, to help people accept themselves and to support people who are marginalized in our culture. “I want the ability to be seen as unique for being non-binary. I’d like to attempt to make myself stand out in whatever way possible to inspire my fellow queers and to become a trans role model for young trans people to look up to.” Remy is already accomplishing this and in the future will undoubtedly meld diverse interests, talents and brilliance to help their queer and trans siblings and indeed transform society as a whole for the better. Profile by Joelle Ruby Ryan, ’96, G’02